Help me support ME/CFS and Long Covid research! I have pledged that all proceeds from my music for the first year will go to Open Medicine Foundation for ME/CFS and Long Covid research. Today, Friday, you can help that cause in a big way. See, it’s Bandcamp Friday, where Bandcamp waivers their share, so 100% of whatever you choose to purchase will go to OMF.
Help support the cause by purchasing the album here.
Hi friend!
I’m doing a lot of work on visibility at the moment. I have a lot of visibility wounds that I have been working on ever since I released my album back in May 2025 and stuff just keeps coming up for me as I’m marketing my music online.
But one huge thing that I have been dealing with for some time, but am close to shaking, is the feeling that I need to wait to have a more ‘palatable’ body before I can be truly seen.
And by ‘palatable’ I’m talking about what the music industry deems palatable, not what I think about it.
A disabled — and especially a sick body is, to the music industry, not considered a palatable body. It can’t dance, it can’t move around on stage, it has no stamina, it can’t produce fast enough, it can’t sing on command, it can’t create on command, it can’t practice for hours and so forth.
Also, according to society, you’re not supposed to express yourself when sick, you’re supposed to be writhing in pain behind closed doors and you’re definitely not supposed to do anything joyful because you are receiving a pension (if you’re lucky and live in a welfare state) and other people have to work for their money.
As I have been marketing my music online, I’ve noticed an energy within me that felt small and contracted and shameful.
I have carried a lot shame from being in the new age world, where illness is often seen as misalignment and as if something is broken within you. I’ve worked on this and am close to being on the other side of it.
But I didn’t realise how much shame I was carrying as a disabled and sick artist. I didn’t feel I was allowed to be seen.
I’ve been working on letting go of that shame and telling myself that I don’t need to be palatable to be seen, I just need to be honest and real and know that my voice is powerful exactly as it is.
Rules are being broken every single day in the music industry and I want to break some rules too.
Don’t get me wrong, I want to heal, I want that miraculous spontaneous recovery which is possible, but statistically highly unlikely, and I believe that the body can heal (a controversial thought, I know). But I don’t want to wait for it to happen before I get my music out there in a bigger way.
I’ve been reading/skimming Victoria Song’s book Bending Reality. It takes all the best from the self-help world and forms it into accessible language — without the toxic positivity (Victoria is all about feeling your feelings).
Most of the techniques I know from my own coaching practice, but she makes one excellent point: You can either be in a state of expansion or in a state or contraction.
A state of expansion is where you feel hopeful, like things will work out, you feel you matter. You feel light and calm in your body.
Contraction is when you’re full of worry, feeling small and shameful. You feel your lungs tighten, you might feel irritated, your body feels tight.
There is nothing wrong with any state, but the inner state of expansion allows for more creativity.
She doesn’t ask us to force positive thoughts or gratitude, but to work through our stuff and work on our self-concept so we can eventually be in the state of expansion for longer periods at a time.
When I released my album I was in a state of contraction. I felt small, worried no one wanted to listen, felt I wasn’t allowed to take up space, I didn’t feel ‘palatable’. I’ve worked through a lot of stuff and I’m starting to step into that embodied feeling of expansion. Not from forcing positivity, but from having worked through a lot of inner stuff and having felt all my feelings. I feel more hopeful, like my work matters too and that I have a place in the world. Honestly, it’s a nicer place to be than in the constant state of contraction.
I’m excited as to where this state of expansion will lead me, but most of all, I’m just happy I’ve found a more comfortable inner state, since I do spend a lot of time with myself.
Tell me…
Who are your favourite disabled artists, whether musical or visual or other?
Do you feel you’re mostly in a state of contraction or expansion — or somewhere in between?
What inner stuff are you working on at the moment?
I’d love to know in the comments!
Have you listened to Powerful People’s Anthem?
Powerful People’s Anthem is a song in 5/8. It portrays the inner turmoil of powerful people and how they really need therapy rather than microphones.
All proceeds will go to Open Medicine Foundation for vital ME/CFS and Long Covid research. Please consider purchasing on Bandcamp to support the cause.
I doubt my creativity all the time hunni. Your artwork is amazing don't ever knock yourself. I love all the paintings you have done. Onwards and upwards as they say madelleine x I used to enjoy art at school but don't have the patience haha