The nervous-system-friendly ways I access emotion for songwriting
“Feeling my feelings” is the most important tool in my songwriting toolbox, but my chronically ill body can’t always handle it.
Hi friend!
For me, emotional honesty is one of the most important aspects of my songwriting. And that requires I have a good relationship with my feelings. It’s hard to write about feelings I don’t know anything about because I’ve suppressed them or refused to explore them.
During times when I’m emotionally numb, I also feel creatively numb.
So “feeling my feelings” has become an important practice for me, not just for personal reasons, but also to enable my creativity.
But “feeling my feelings” is tough on the body and nervous system while doing it.
The more ‘traditional’ ways of “feeling your feelings” includes crying out loud, punching a pillow, screaming into a pillow, dancing or moving the body, throwing a pillow, or other physical stuff.
My body can’t do that. If I do give myself a good cry, I become completely depleted and my symptoms go haywire the next day. It’s not sustainable or nervous-system safe.
Instead, I have other practices to keep me emotionally honest and open.
Breathing in the feeling
I make space for my feelings in my body by breathing in the feeling, and aiming my breath at the place in my body where the feeling is situated.
So if I feel anger, I’ll say “I breathe in anger,” direct the air to where the anger subsides in my body, and then say “I breathe out peace.”
In that way, I allow the emotion in my body, but without creating contraction or stress in my body.
Separating the feeling
What is often very taxing for the nervous system is when we identify with the emotion we are feeling so much so that our whole body is shaking with that feeling.
I therefore like to separate my feelings from myself by saying “oh, this or that part of me is feeling sad today.” This could be my inner child, or any other part of me. I don’t even need to identify what part. Simply saying “a part of me is feeling xyz” can often do the trick.
Sitting with it
When I’ve separated myself from the feeling I’ll sit with it and hold space for it as if sitting with a child who is crying. I’ll stroke my arm or pat my heart and say “it’s ok to feel this way.”
I have found that resistance to feelings — trying to get rid of them — before they are felt in some way require a whole lot more energy and can be excruciatingly taxing on the nervous system.
I’m not saying these are surefire tested ways to feel and allow your feelings without overtaxing the nervous system and the body, they simply help me.
I’d love to know what you do to feel your feelings?
Tell me…
What do you do to feel your feelings?
Do you feel there is a connection between your openness to your feelings and creativity?
I’d love to know in the comments!
Have you listened to There Are No More Heroes?
I wrote this song when I felt the world had turned its back on me. I felt doctors had given up, friends had given up, family had given up. I felt disillusioned with the world, but something grew inside me that helped me carry on.
All proceeds will go to Open Medicine Foundation for vital ME/CFS and Long Covid research. Please consider purchasing on Bandcamp to support the cause.
Sometimes flooding and feeling all the feels just isn’t practical—I have a friend who uses the tactic of “Ok, I acknowledge that I need to sit with this, but not any deeper right now. I have clients I need to see.” and she relates with them slowly, over time.
I use very similar tactics to you Madelleine (oh the ME nervous system is a sensitive little pigeon!). I love imagining holding the more vulnerable emotions and saying things like “Oh, it’s no wonder you’re feeling like this” and pouring validation in their direction.
I also do meditations that don’t push at or try to transform the feelings, but rather hold them softly and gently make space to affirm what else exists, expand whatever capacity I may have for willingness, and call in whatever energy my nervous system may need to live with what is difficult.—Somatic and mindful meditations are awesome for this.
Great article. Making such valid points about traditional emotional regulation tactics. They do not support the chronically unwell.
Emotional attunement has been a big part of my journey and, though by no means a standalone, a big part of my increasing energy levels and wellness.
I can relate so much to your approach here. It took me an awful long time to identify how I was feeling - I had to use a chart!
My go to question has often been “how can I support how I’m feeling?”
Over the years I’ve gone off in many different directions with feelings - into inner child feelings, beliefs, affirmations, validating them and generally using emotions as a guide. And not a part of me to be suppressed.
You’ve been able to articulate all this better than I could! It makes so much sense.