Today is my birthday, and it’s a tough one

But there are good things happening too

I’ve created a playlist over on Spotify with the most beautiful chamber folk songs. Chamber folk is folk, but often with the use of chamber instruments like strings or woodwinds. Here is the playlist!

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Hi friend!

Birthdays are meant to be days of joy and celebration. But when living with chronic illness they become a reminder of all the time that is lost.

For me, it’s a reminder of the time I lost where I could have been practising my piano or flute, or training my voice, or educating myself on modal interchanges or parallel chords, or training my ear to play music without a score, or writing tons of songs to help me hone my songwriting craft, or performing and getting better and more comfortable each time, or… or…

I needed to make this birthday a bit more special in order to make up for the toughness of it, so I invited my auntie and she has come to the island to visit! She will stay with us for three days. We’ve planned all the food (pork roast and roast potatoes and gravy and red cabbage for my birthday, Zanzibar fish curry and dhal for the other days) and what series to watch (Kunstnerkolonien) for when I come into the living room to lie on the couch.

The other day I sent my brother two songs that didn’t make the album, but that I wanted to release anyway — maybe even make an extended version of the album. But we quickly discovered that parts of the vocal were digitally distorted. I had recorded them on an old computer that couldn’t handle all that data coming in at once.

I was devastated.

Had I lived in an able body I could have just re-recorded the songs and that was it. But with this body that I’m in right now, it’s just not possible. The songs are hard to sing. They span nearly two octaves and to do that I need to wait for an exceptionally good voice day. It could take many months if not half a year before a day like that appears.

I had been so excited to send out two new songs — and to feed the Spotify algorithm, which prefers regular releases, but I had to quench that excitement.

But, I have other things to be excited about, although this will take a while before I can share it with you: I am slowly getting ready to start the recording process for my new album! I have eight awesome songs that I have written over the past three years ready.

The process will go something like this:

• Write the score for each song (I have written five, three to go)

• Record a rough piano accompaniment to a click

• Record the vocals (to create a basic demo)

• Go over all demos with my producer (my brother) and decide on direction and which instruments to add

• My brother will record all the piano accompaniment

• My brother will work with the different musicians

• Re-record any vocals where needed

• Edit all stems (for example remove certain parts of instrumentation)

• Prepare all stems

• My brother will sit with the mixing engineer and mix all songs

• I will add my feedback

• Re-mix anything needed

• Send all mixes to the mastering engineer

It most likely won’t be as neat and linear as this, but these are the basic points.

This is where an obscene amount of patience is needed — and I’m already starting to take deeper breaths than usual, because I so want to share this music with you and I know it will take a long time to get there.

My birthday reminds me that while time slows down for those of us living with chronic illness, time doesn’t slow down for the rest of the world. 2 years in chronic illness time is nothing, but it’s a lot in abled time.

I’m trying not to compare myself with other artists who are able to put something out at much higher intervals.

I’m excited for this album, because there is more hope involved this time. Two songs are directly about hope — or slivers over hope. Another song is about disabled people in war time and how on Earth we get through it — it’s in 5/4 time signature. There is also a song about people who were never heard and how they find a leader and find their own world. These songs were fun to write!

I’ll take you along on the ride through this newsletter.

But for now: Happy 44 years to me!

Tell me…

What is your relationship like to birthdays?

How do you celebrate your birthday — or would like to celebrate it?

What are you excited for right now?

I’d love to know in the comments!

Have you listened to Salem? It’s a song about medical sexism

Salem is a song for all those out there who have been disbelieved, disrespected and mistreated for being sick. It’s been called “Heartachingly beautiful, raw, and profound.” And another listener wrote: “Your song Salem cracked something open in me — something that’s been waiting, aching, unheard…. This is more than a song. It’s a testimony. It’s protest. It’s sacred remembrance.”

All proceeds will go to Open Medicine Foundation for vital ME/CFS and Long Covid research. Please consider purchasing on Bandcamp or iTunes to support the cause.