The nervous system-friendly way I access emotions for songwriting

“Feeling my feelings” is the most important tool in my songwriting toolbox, but my chronically ill body can’t always handle it.

Photo by Joanne Glaudemans on Unsplash

Hi friend!

For me, emotional honesty is one of the most important aspects of my songwriting. And that requires I have a good relationship with my feelings. It’s hard to write about feelings I don’t know anything about because I’ve suppressed them or refused to explore them.

During times when I’m emotionally numb, I also feel creatively numb.

So “feeling my feelings” has become an important practice for me, not just for personal reasons, but also to enable my creativity.

But “feeling my feelings” is tough on the body and nervous system while doing it.

The more ‘traditional’ ways of “feeling your feelings” includes crying out loud, punching a pillow, screaming into a pillow, dancing or moving the body, throwing a pillow, or other physical stuff.

My body can’t do that. If I do give myself a good cry, I become completely depleted and my symptoms go haywire the next day. It’s not sustainable or nervous-system safe.

Instead, I have other practices to keep me emotionally honest and open.

Breathing in the feeling

I make space for my feelings in my body by breathing in the feeling, and aiming my breath at the place in my body where the feeling is situated.

So if I feel anger, I’ll say “I breathe in anger,” direct the air to where the anger subsides in my body, and then say “I breathe out peace.”

In that way, I allow the emotion in my body, but without creating contraction or stress in my body.

Separating the feeling

What is often very taxing for the nervous system is when we identify with the emotion we are feeling so much so that our whole body is shaking with that feeling.

I therefore like to separate my feelings from myself by saying “oh, this or that part of me is feeling sad today.” This could be my inner child, or any other part of me. I don’t even need to identify what part. Simply saying “a part of me is feeling xyz” can often do the trick.

Sitting with it

When I’ve separated myself from the feeling I’ll sit with it and hold space for it as if sitting with a child who is crying. I’ll stroke my arm or pat my heart and say “it’s ok to feel this way.”

I have found that resistance to feelings — trying to get rid of them — before they are felt in some way require a whole lot more energy and can be excruciatingly taxing on the nervous system.

I’m not saying these are surefire tested ways to feel and allow your feelings without overtaxing the nervous system and the body, they simply help me.

I’d love to know what you do to feel your feelings?

Tell me…

What do you do to feel your feelings?

Do you feel there is a connection between your openness to your feelings and creativity?

I’d love to know in the comments!

Have you listened to There Are No More Heroes?

I wrote this song when I felt the world had turned its back on me. I felt doctors had given up, friends had given up, family had given up. I felt disillusioned with the world, but something grew inside me that helped me carry on.

All proceeds will go to Open Medicine Foundation for vital ME/CFS and Long Covid research. Please consider purchasing on Bandcamp to support the cause.