Hi friend,
How are you really doing out there? What has been on your mind lately?
I have thought a lot about the two friends who left me when I was getting sicker. I miss them and I send them a lot of love. I know they wished they’d had the capacity to stay with me through the darkness, but sometimes your own life gets in the way. And that’s ok.
I have also thought a lot about the rejection and distancing that comes when you get a chronic illness. Chronic illness in itself is horrendous, but when people haven’t noticed you’ve left the face of the Earth, you start to wonder what kinds of relationships you invested in before. It is painful.
I was a part of the yoga community for many years and as my body got worse and worse I felt more and more ostracized. The way a lot of people in that community talk about people who are sick is very stigmatising. I was often seen as “being too negative” or I would hear other people say about sick people that “they are always complaining, maybe if they looked at the positive sides of life they wouldn’t be sick.”
There was no space for darkness in that community.
And so I decided to write a song about it. Not an angry song, but a song seen from the perspective of the friend who couldn’t stay and who had regrets because of that.
It was a very easy song to write as I had a lot of words and images running around in my head. I will often do brain dumps and write down which words or images or sentences are roaming around my brain. The first thing I wrote for my brain dump was “how are you really doing?” I love that question, because it tells the recipient that you are actually listening. You are not just asking “How are you?” out of courtesy, but out of genuine curiosity.
“How are you really doing?” is a question I like to be asked, and I like asking other people this question too. I want to know what is really going on… I don’t need the watered down version, or the polite version or the “I’m fine” version.
I really love the chorus on this one. It’s very emotional and I love how the speaker is honest with their friend and dares to admit their flaws and vulnerability.
Here are the lyrics:
Hey you
How are you really doing?
Last time I saw you hell broke loose
You’ve been somewhere out of time
Hey you
People come to you with their feelings
But you never understand your own
I couldn’t see you hurting there
Ooh I wish I’d had the courage to walk
Through the forest with you
Oooh I wish I’d had the courage to talk
About dark clouds with you
Hey you
The room smelt of rusted metal
I tried not to breath it all in
A breathless doll is all I saw
Hey you
I left you down and broken
I couldn’t handle seeing you fall
I was reminded of my own doom
Ooh I wish I’d had the courage to walk
Through the forest with you
Oooh I wish I’d had the courage to talk
About dark clouds with you
Oh will you tell me now
How you really feel
Or have I lost the right to ask
Ooh I wish I’d had the courage to walk
Through the forest with you
Oooh I wish I’d had the courage to talk
About dark clouds with you
I can’t wait to find out what next week’s song will be about, it’s always exciting.
Tell me…
Do you like to be asked “How are you really doing?” (also, I’d love to know)
Have you ever been rejected because of what you were going through?
What are your favourite lines from the song?
I’d love to know in the comments!
