“Your songs are too sad, create something lighter,” she said and I was floored

I got really triggered the other day by something a social media consultant said to me…

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Hi friend!

I got really triggered the other day by something a social media consultant said to me, and I had to sit with it for a bit to figure out what was going on inside me. And this is in no way to blame her, people are allowed to have opinions and she was very kind and complementary of my music. This is my own inner stuff coming up. She said to me that my themes were very heavy and she could only get through three songs because they made her sad. She suggested I also music that is lighter.

Fair enough, that’s her opinion, and she is not my audience. It would have been nice if I could have left it at that.

But something inside me was triggered. At first, I felt like my entire existence as a person living with chronic illness was dismissed. Chronic illness is sad, it’s dark, it’s traumatic and no fun. That’s my life. It’s heavy. More than heavy. And while I’m an incredibly positive and effervescent person, nothing can change that chronic illness is a sad experience. Everyday, I feel like my existence is ‘too much/too difficult/too heavy’ for some people. And it probably is.

But then I was taken back to that little girl who quit doing anything creative because she always felt her natural expression wasn’t good enough. It was too dark, too deep, too emotional, too this too that. When I was younger, I could never find myself creatively and this was partly the reason.

I have for a long time had this feeling that I need to change who I am to fit in and be successful. I need to change my experience with chronic illness — or change how I perceive it towards something lighter. I need to write happy songs. I need to lighten up. Be more like all the others.

I’ve had this voice in my head for so long that I need to learn how to write upbeat happy songs so I can be more accepted (I googled ‘how to write happy songs’). And yes, I would like to learn that skill, but not for that reason.

In the beginning of this year, I made a commitment to myself to be honest about who I am and not hide myself. I’ve been hiding my entire life and it’s made me feel invisible.

That voice telling me I have to be someone else, has created so much tension and unhappiness inside me — it’s time to let it go.

I decided to truly love those deep, dark, emotional aspects of myself and start seeing them as a superpower.

I believe one of my unique artistic skill sets is to turn something dark into something beautiful. And one of the things I hope to do with my music is to get people feeling their feelings in different ways, and accepting them as they are — maybe accessing feelings they haven’t accessed for a long time.

And yes, maybe I will write happy songs in the future, but as a result of me wanting to express that side of me, not because I’m scared I won’t fit in.

Tell me…

Are there parts of you that you aren’t allowing to be seen and why?

Is it possible to love these parts of yourself?

Do you dislike ‘sad songs’?

I’d love to read your thoughts in the comments below.

Did you miss?

Mama, Why Won’t They Listen — DEMO

The nervous system-friendly way I access emotions for songwriting

Can’t Help Falling In Love With You [Cover]

Have you listened to There Are No More Heroes?

I wrote this song when I felt the world had turned its back on me. I felt doctors had given up, friends had given up, family had given up. I felt disillusioned with the world, but something grew inside me that helped me carry on.

All proceeds will go to Open Medicine Foundation for vital ME/CFS and Long Covid research. Please consider purchasing on Bandcamp to support the cause.